I read an article in Boston Globe recently that irritated me quite a bit. The article claimed that if a price was to be paid to moms in the United States the number would be $134121. Now, here's the rub: half a dozen people mentioned this article to me and most of them were men.
Despite fear of sounding like a feminist I have to ask -
What about fathers? Don't fathers count?
My issue is not that such a study was made and reported. I am only nervous about the idealization of motherhood and of any mention of ‘penmai’ and ‘thaimai’ as a virtue. I see this whole deifying of motherhood as a function of the society we live in. Indian society, especially, comes down pretty heavily on mothers by weighing in on their feelings of guilt. Some other cultures may be a tad lenient but the difference is marginal. The bottom line is always that, an woman is expected in any society to put nurturing right up there in her list of priorities. Contrary to popular belief psychologists will tell you that the mothering instinct, like any other skill, does not come naturally to all women.
Nancy Friday speaks about this syndrome in the book "My mother, myself". Friday talks about how women are, from birth, taught to believe that their success and failure is hinged on whether they are good mothers to their children or not. This, according to Friday, is psychologically the most limiting factor to women's growth. Because they cannot think of themselves in any larger context apart from that of a mother they never let their children grow emotionally, preferring instead to keep them tied to themselves.
By idealizing/idolizing motherhood we also deny them the right to make mistakes and learn from them. We set them up in a pedestal from where the only place they can go is down.
Despite fear of sounding like a feminist I have to ask -
What about fathers? Don't fathers count?
My issue is not that such a study was made and reported. I am only nervous about the idealization of motherhood and of any mention of ‘penmai’ and ‘thaimai’ as a virtue. I see this whole deifying of motherhood as a function of the society we live in. Indian society, especially, comes down pretty heavily on mothers by weighing in on their feelings of guilt. Some other cultures may be a tad lenient but the difference is marginal. The bottom line is always that, an woman is expected in any society to put nurturing right up there in her list of priorities. Contrary to popular belief psychologists will tell you that the mothering instinct, like any other skill, does not come naturally to all women.
Nancy Friday speaks about this syndrome in the book "My mother, myself". Friday talks about how women are, from birth, taught to believe that their success and failure is hinged on whether they are good mothers to their children or not. This, according to Friday, is psychologically the most limiting factor to women's growth. Because they cannot think of themselves in any larger context apart from that of a mother they never let their children grow emotionally, preferring instead to keep them tied to themselves.
By idealizing/idolizing motherhood we also deny them the right to make mistakes and learn from them. We set them up in a pedestal from where the only place they can go is down.
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